Dang I can’t believe we are already almost done with our Independent Learning Projects. As mentioned in my last Independent Learning Project Blog Post, I am reading a new book called, “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts”. I have learned so much and I am only a third of the way through the book. I can’t possible discuss it all so I’ll try to point out the parts that I enjoyed learning the most as of now.
So far, I have been challenged to think about what I want my personal ten commandments, also known as rules, to be for my marriage. These often unspoken rules are based around things like handling finances, performing chores, helping out with meals (like putting plates in the sink after meal time and helping set or clean up the table), holiday traditions (like taking turns visiting our families every other big holiday such as Christmas) and other little quirks. I never really thought about these things before, but I feel like bringing them up and discussing our expectations with each other now is a good idea before we are married.
Another thing that I learned was that it is important to make our roles in our marriage/relationship conscious. It is never safe to assume anything. Just to give examples of these roles are; staying home with the children (when the time comes), paying bills and handling finances, grocery shopping, making major decisions, caring for pets, cooking, taking out trash and things of that nature. In the book it brought to my attention that we often take on roles based on what our parents did. For instance, both mine and John’s dads were the ones to fic things around the house while our mothers did the cleaning. But then when it came to cooking, both of my parents took part in that while only John’s mom does it at his house. Therefore, we need to sit down and discuss what we expect of each other. From our previous talks it sounds like we will both be participating in the majority of the tasks such as handling finances. But it will be good to go through each chore or task and really talk about them and who is going to do what.
While I feel that John and I have come a very long way in our relationship with communication, it is clear that you can never over communicate, (unless you nag of course which neither of has ever done yet). It is always best to have open conversations and never assume anything, because that is where things start to get tense or frustrating. Lack of proper communication can really hurt a relationship. Even though we are close and can often guess what the other is going to say or how the other is feeling, we cannot, no matter how much we want to, jump inside the other person’s head and know exactly what they are thinking at all times. So it’s best to ask and talk about things beforehand.
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