ILP: Communicating Rules and Roles of Our Relationship


My Workbook

Dang I can’t believe we are already almost done with our Independent Learning Projects. As mentioned in my last Independent Learning Project Blog Post, I am reading a new book called, “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts”. I have learned so much and I am only a third of the way through the book. I can’t possible discuss it all so I’ll try to point out the parts that I enjoyed learning the most as of now.

So far, I have been challenged to think about what I want my personal ten commandments, also known as rules, to be for my marriage. These often unspoken rules are based around things like handling finances, performing chores, helping out with meals (like putting plates in the sink after meal time and helping set or clean up the table), holiday traditions (like taking turns visiting our families every other big holiday such as Christmas) and other little quirks. I never really thought about these things before, but I feel like bringing them up and discussing our expectations with each other now is a good idea before we are married.

Another thing that I learned was that it is important to make our roles in our marriage/relationship conscious. It is never safe to assume anything. Just to give examples of these roles are; staying home with the children (when the time comes), paying bills and handling finances, grocery shopping, making major decisions, caring for pets, cooking, taking out trash and things of that nature. In the book it brought to my attention that we often take on roles based on what our parents did. For instance, both mine and John’s dads were the ones to fic things around the house while our mothers did the cleaning. But then when it came to cooking, both of my parents took part in that while only John’s mom does it at his house. Therefore, we need to sit down and discuss what we expect of each other. From our previous talks it sounds like we will both be participating in the majority of the tasks such as handling finances. But it will be good to go through each chore or task and really talk about them and who is going to do what.

While I feel that John and I have come a very long way in our relationship with communication, it is clear that you can never over communicate, (unless you nag of course which neither of has ever done yet). It is always best to have open conversations and never assume anything, because that is where things start to get tense or frustrating. Lack of proper communication can really hurt a relationship. Even though we are close and can often guess what the other is going to say or how the other is feeling, we cannot, no matter how much we want to, jump inside the other person’s head and know exactly what they are thinking at all times. So it’s best to ask and talk about things beforehand.

Word Count: 504


4 thoughts on “ILP: Communicating Rules and Roles of Our Relationship

  1. The book you are reading sounds very interesting. If I ever settle down and become the “marrying type” I may just have to check it out! I really like the idea of establishing your commandments and having a plan before events or other issues arise. Communication can certainly make or break a relationship so it is really good that you are your husband to be are developing good communication habits now. Best wishes!


    1. Thank you! And yes communication is so huge. And not in just personal relationships but also in professional ones as well. I feel like that is rather lacking in my life lately with the people i am supposed to be dealing with in a professional manner. It drives me crazy and really annoys me. I think professional open communication should be a unit covered in school to help people see how important and beneficial it is for everyone and companies and businesses as a whole.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. That sounds like a great book many of us would benefit from reading! Even if you don’t have a romantic interest in mind, I feel like some points (such as communicating) are relevant to every day interactions. It seems that the book is very focused on communication, which I think is key to all relationships. Seems like a great read I’ll have to pick up!


    1. My thoughts exactly! Because we need to be able to communicate with a variety of different people in a variety of different situations. I agree communication is the key to a relationship. So many issues can be avoided or resolved with proper communication methods. I’m glad you are interested in reading it! I have recommended it to a girl at work who was telling me about her relationship, unfortunately i cant seem to get it through to her that she has to actually read it and it will really help is her boyfriend reads it too. She says she wants to buuut still hasnt looked it up or ordered it soooo I’m not sure.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s